Marriage restoration is a process, often a difficult one. If you’re a wife struggling in your marriage, remember: don’t give up. Husbands, your support is crucial. Let’s explore a story of a marriage on the brink and how it was saved. It’s important to preface this with the understanding that not every marriage can or should be saved, especially those involving abuse. This is not one of those stories.
Our story began with two young people who married without fully understanding the foundation and sacrifice required for a successful marriage. We fought, and the fights were ugly. I began to believe I had married the wrong person. I fell out of love and gave up hope. If you’ve lost hope in your marriage, you’re not alone. If you’re seeking answers, read on. This is our story.
Those were the words I carelessly uttered in the winter of 2010, words I had vowed never to say, especially after exchanging vows in the spring of 2005. But I said them. Desperate for change, I felt I had no other choice but to cut ties and move on. I believed it was best for both of us, and especially for our then two-year-old son. How could I raise him in such an environment?
But God… I remembered my promise. I recalled how I would always explain to others that I would never divorce. I was determined to do whatever it took to make it work. Yet, there I was, facing the words I had spoken, seeing the disappointment on my husband’s face. My words hurt, but at the time, I was too bitter to care.
Every Sunday, our family attended church, often after a heated argument, but with our carefully constructed “we have it all together” facade firmly in place. God often reached me with exactly what I needed to hear. One cold Sunday morning in January, I knelt in prayer, pleading with God to show me if divorce was the right option. Was that really His plan for us? I anxiously awaited a sign throughout the entire service, but as our pastor concluded, I felt discouraged. No word from God. Divorce it must be.
But God… A few moments later, our associate pastor announced a marriage class based on the movie Fireproof! He described it as a valuable resource for couples struggling in their marriage or needing a “tune-up.” That was my sign! A few weeks later, we watched the movie in class. It felt like watching our own marriage on the screen. I felt as though we were that couple. Although my hope was dwindling, God used that movie to show me that He could help.
As the evening ended, we received a copy of The Love Dare, the book used in the movie. Over the next 40 days, my husband read it diligently. Some things I expected, based on the movie. Others were a welcome surprise. Gradually, the pieces began to come together again. I finally saw the change in our marriage that I so desperately wanted.
But God… Things began to fall apart again a few months later. “Happily ever after” was my dream, but it wasn’t materializing. I felt as though our efforts were wasted and that our marriage wasn’t worth saving. Quietly, I started looking for other places to live and ways to manage financially, planning to quietly cut ties. If the book couldn’t help, we must be beyond all hope. That’s when God truly showed up and revealed the reasons for our renewed struggles: it was me. I needed to change. I needed to learn the foundations of marriage. I needed to address my brokenness and bitterness and surrender it to someone higher than myself – to Jesus.
I don’t recall the exact day in September 2010, but I remember the time. On my way to work that morning, I prayed, asking God to intervene. If He truly wanted our marriage saved, He needed to remove all the bitterness and anger. I didn’t want it anymore. At 9:38 a.m., sitting at my desk at work, an overwhelming feeling washed over me. It started in my toes and slowly moved up to the top of my head. The anger, resentment, and bitter ugliness were gone! I couldn’t wait to go home and embrace my husband.
That Christmas, I completed the leather-bound Love Dare book and gave it to my husband, along with my commitment to continue learning, understanding, and growing into the wife he needed me to be. I chose to love him, because love is a choice, not a feeling. We’ve been God’s beautiful work in progress ever since.
Yes, there’s much more to the story, many lessons learned. But to summarize, it’s hard work; it’s heart work. Your marriage can be saved if you’re both willing to partner with Jesus and invest the time, work, and effort required. The love you thought was lost can be found again. It’s possible because with God, all things are possible. Your story won’t be identical to ours, but God will tailor what’s best for you. It will be beautiful, it will be yours, and you’ll never know how He can use your story to bring light and hope to someone else.
When all hope is lost, when you feel there’s no other way, ask God for His way and follow His lead!
“But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland” (Isaiah 43:18-19 NLT).
If you’d like to read a complete version of our marriage journey, you can view it here. It’s raw, and it was hard to relive the darkness of those days, but I know if sharing our story helps even one person, it’s worth it. You can also view other information regarding marriage and family here.
May God shine His grace upon you!
– Melinda, Bless the Badge